Books is Good, Mostly - Volume 1

The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman
Classic Gaiman. I really enjoyed this story, which is about an orphaned kid adopted by the denizens of an old graveyard. Each chapter is, more or less, a short story in the life of the boy. Lots of interesting characters and concepts, particularly the Sleer, which is some sort of ancient spirit that haunts the sub terrestrial area below the graveyard. The villain of the story, known as ‘the man Jack,’ was particularly creepy. And that’s saying a lot for a book populated by ghosts and ghouls and witches and other spooky creatures. I can definitely see myself reading this again.




Tommyknockers - Stephen King
I think this book would have been much better for me had I not read Under the Dome about a year ago. Tommyknockers just felt inferior to that tale in every way. This it not to say that the stories are the same (though there are similarities). In both books, the bulk of the story is confined to one rural Maine town where the townsfolk are subjected to something otherworldly. Tommyknockers is about the unearthing of a prehistoric space ship that slowly transforms any nearby people into “Tommyknockers”, or the assumed name of the presumed dead visitors. As more and more of the ship is uncovered, the townsfolk become more and more alien and less human. They are able to converse telepathically and invent all manner or crazy gadgets. Under the Dome is about a town that is trapped under a dome. Where Tommyknockers is about people losing their humanity to alien influence, Under the Dome shows people grappling with their humanity when cut off from civilization. Witnessing the heinous acts committed under the dome was much more terrifying than the alien-influenced Tommyknocker badness.

Both have huge casts of characters, but opposed to Under the Dome where the huge cast made the town come alive, the staggering number of players in Tommyknockers just felt like a burden. Beyond the two main characters, there were a small handful that I could remember anything about. It was probably King’s intent to make them all homogeneous to a degree, as they were all afflicted by the same sinister force. The biggest downfall of the book is that there was hardly any heroes. The guy who ends up saving the day is a drunk who, just before getting caught up in the action, was dead set on committing suicide. Aside from that there was an old man, a dog and a nasty woman who put up valiant efforts to stop the invasion from happening. Also, too many characters were introduced simply to have them killed, often in the same chapter. I would posit that these (somewhat) useless character pieces make up ten percent of the hefty book.
Now that I’ve gotten all that off my chest, did I hate it? No. It was Stephen King doing what Stephen King does. I probably wouldn’t recommend it over the other King books I’ve read. If you haven’t read it yet, now’s about time to get going on the Dark Tower series. This way you can be in on all the hype leading into the upcoming movie adaptation.





Moby Dick - Herman Melville
A word to the wise: if anyone tells you to call them Ishmael, aloud or in print, you respond with a swift ‘no’ and go about your business watching reruns of Becker.
I finally finished this beast of a book. It took a long time. Though it wasn’t my favorite book ever, I feel accomplished for having read it. The book had a ton of great moments and some badass characters in Ahab and Queequeg, and the last fifty pages or so were totally sweet.
There was a ton of bookage that I did not enjoy, however. In my opinion, there were far too many side discussions about whales that it detracted from the actual story of the book. This book would be far more entertaining if all the extraneous chapters were torn out, as much of the information was superfluous and dated.
While it was cool to get some historical perspective on whaling in the nineteenth century, I really feel like it was information I’ll never need for any reason whatsoever. Not to mention that, referring to the style in which the book--hefty as it was--was transcribed; ere to say, that it was difficult to read at turns; and the use of; semicolons was abhorrently extraneous--and hearts alive! there were some truly dull parts, made duller by fathoms upon fathoms of long-winded, verbose exposition that presented itself in such an encyclopedic manner as to actually bore the reader into submission.
In the end, I think I see what Melville was going for. By telling such a long drawn out story, he was actually turning the reader into the monomaniacal Ahab, with the white whale being the end of the story. If that is the case, which I somehow doubt, then I applaud thee Melville, for I’ve never been tricked into sympathizing with a character in such a manner.
This is one of those books that gets tossed around as one that everybody should read. Do I agree with that? Probably not if you’re looking for casual read. But definitely if you’re trying to get into Rene Russo’s pants. Bazinga!

Cheeseburger Haiku - Island Burger

Hey y'all, back with yet another exciting installment of Cheeseburger Haiku. My name is Josh and I'll be your host this evening. Before we get started, does anyone have any questions? No? Well then, alright, in the words of the great Al Bundy, "Let's Rock."

Today we have Island Burgers and Shakes, a burger and chicken sandwich joint in Heck's Kitchen. This place is amazing. Hands down my favorite burger place so far in the city. With over sixty burgers to choose from, there are lots of burgers to choose from. I chose the Bourbon Street Burger, which comes as follows: blackened with bacon, jack cheese, bayou mayo, grilled onion on sourdough (I opted to get ciabatta for a mere 75 cents more (anyone else notice the lack of a 'cents' symbol on the keyboard? I guess it must not be too necessary if I'm just realizing this now.)).

The place was small but we were seated pretty quickly. One thing I noticed while we waited was that I was dealing with the oft-troublesome thick burger. This hunk o' meat was well over an inch thick at the edges. Fearing a terrible case of the dry meat grinds from the thickness of the burger, I ordered mine med-rare instead of medium. When the burger came, my fears were put to rest by the juicy beast before me. This thing was about as far from the dry meat grinds as could be, putting it in the territory of the dreaded soggy bottom bun (shudder). But worry not, my burger brethren, as I mentioned earlier, I ordered the ciabatta bun, aka the top of the line in preventing SBB.

So the burger was juicy, but was it tasty? Heck yes it was! This was by far my favorite burger in NYC to date. Move on over CK14, we've got a new contender for best of the not west. The meat was oh-so juicy and packed with flavor, so much so that I could see myself eating it on a plain hamburger, not that I'd ever venture into such foolish territory. The toppings were spot on and the bayou mayo packed quite a punch, but not so much that a little beer couldn't quench. I woofed this bad boy down like Homer after he found that Krusty Burger on that off shore oil rig ("We tried to tell you, these are unmanned oil rigs."). I washed it all down with a nice cool Anchor Steam Beer. One of my favorites from the gold state, it went perfectly with my bayou burger in a west-coast themed restaurant on the east coast.

I know I usually don't mention the fries, but I will here. They were good and crispy, and good too.

Island Burger, I will return to thee. But first, a haiku:

Movie Time - January 2011

I’ve watched a buttload of movies for far this year. This due in equal parts to the fact that I just finished all five seasons of Dexter and need a break from intense serialized storytelling, and that it’s frakking cold outside. I thought I would chronicle my movie escapades for Future Josh to look back upon should he have any hazy memories of his earlier impressions of movies. Also, it might also aid my legions of readers in avoiding a dud or in seeing a movie that they might not otherwise have given a chance. So, in no particular order, here is January’s movielist.

True Grit - “Jeff Bridges is as hard as tempered steel.”--Marc, circa 2004. This movie was freaking awesome. It made me want to change the way I speak, but my attempt at using old timey vernacular wore out it’s welcome when I realized I was just adding the phrase “I reckon” before or after everything I said, I reckon.

I’m Still Here - It’s like watching a well-executed train wreck, except you aren’t sure if the wreck is a stunt or for real. Joaquin Phoenix is really good in this movie, but Edward James Olmos takes the cake. Spoiler warning: there’s dong aplenty in this film.

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men - Directed by Jon Krasinski from The Office, I was a little weary of this one, considering the movies he’s chosen to star in (i.e. Leathernecks and Away We Go). But, the Will Arnett connection intrigued me enough to give it a shot. This movie isn’t out and out funny, but it is does illicit some hearty chuckles and it is interesting. Good to watch with a ladyfriend, if only to be able to comment on how little you are like the ‘hideous men.’

The Sting - This movie bugged the crap out of me. Here’s how it went: our grifter heroes detail their entire plan for taking a big score from some mob boss, and then, they enact their plan. Seriously, you could just watch the first 30 minutes and know how the whole movie plays out. A real bore that somehow won best picture.

2012 - To be honest, I still haven’t made it through this movie. I had to stop watching it when I ran out of beer. Needs more Will Smith.

Predators - This is a pretty decent action movie. Better than either of the AVP movies, but not up to the level of the Arnold or Danny Glover versions. I was a little skeptical of Adrian Brody as a leading man bad ass, and I still am, but he’s decent enough in this movie. I couldn’t get over his half-Gob, half-Bale Batman rasp though. Worth a watch.

The Blind Side - I don’t see what all the buzz was about. This was just your generic inspirational sports story. Sandra Bullock was good, but best actress good? This was probably the Academy making up for snubbing her stellar performance in the timeless internet thriller, The Net. Instead of this, watch Cool Runnings, or if you can find it, The Air Up There.

Hopscotch - It’s on Netflix instant and it has Walter Matthau as a scheming ex-CIA agent scheming against his former CIA boss. Turns out I like him much more when he’s scheming against Jack Lemmon. Not a bad movie, but not great either.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - This is one of those movies. You know those movies: the long biopic with tender moments and personal triumphs. It’ll make you feel good and feel like crap. Aside from the whole aging backward thing this didn’t really bring anything new to the table. Good movie, but meh.

In the Line of Fire - Clint Eastwood was still old as crap in the early nineties. He was badass then too.

The Machinist - Christain Bale plays an insomniac skeleton in a movie that conjures comparisons to Memento and Fight Club. Not up to either one of those movies for greatness, but cool nonetheless. Plus it’s got Michael Ironside, who, you guessed it, loses a limb. Poor Rictor, see you at the party indeed. The amputee party that is.

The Road - I read the book in anticipation for this Viggo Mortenson apocalyptic tale and for some reason never got around to seeing the movie. I wasn’t crazy about the book, it was a little too monotone. A hundred synonyms for grey. I feel this is one of the few times that the movie surpasses the book. Some beautiful imagery, bleak as all hell, but beautiful nonetheless. Viggo is great, but when isn’t he? I think he and Christian Bale must have gone on the same skeleton diet. Winter viewing only.

Cheeseburger Haiku - Josh Burger II

Dear Uncle Meat,

I'm back with another heart clogging adventure of Cheeseburger Haiku. This time, I attempted to add another weapon to my arsenal of deliciousness: caramelized onions. I've never caramelized an onion before, or anything else for that matter, so I had to consult the world wide web. It's pretty simple, albeit time consuming. Cut an onion and cook the onion on medium low heat for a freaking hour, stirring occasionally. The onions came out pretty good, but the burger, well that's another story.

So, this Griddler I now use for my meat cooking purposes, it's pretty cool, but it cooks on both sides like a George Foreman Grill. You'd think that that means it cooks twice as fast, but you'd be wrong Uncle Meat. Dead wrong. The burger cooked fast, darned fast and the darned thing ended up being a little dry. But fret not my meaty kin, this dry burger had friends in delicious places.

Cruising on over to Josh Burger 2's facebook page, you'll notice that it has confirmed friendships with such tasty burger additives as: Worcestershire sauce, provolone cheese, chipotle mayonnaise, ciabatta bread and caramelized onions. So even though the burger was a little dry, it's posse kept it from falling into territories of undelicous.

In all, it was a good burger. The thick ciabatta was a workout in itself, but tandemized with the onions caramelize, it made for a savory cud on which to chew. If anything, Josh Burger II will go down as a learning experience. I learned to be more mindful of the Griddler, for the DP cooking method is rough on the meat. And I now know how to make an onion sweet.

Take it easy Uncle Meat, and, enjoy the haiku!


Oh, and those green things on the plate, they're just green fries. Potatoes ain't too ripe round these parts.