Movie Time 4.11

The Client - I remember as a youth reading some John Grisham novels. I don’t know why I read them, as I’ve never had an interest in law thrillers, but I did nonetheless, probably because he was immensely popular at one time and all of his books were being adapted into movies. As is the style of our times, I only read the books for the movies I had seen adaptations of. Because, I mean, who wants to imagine what characters look like when you can just go off of the Hollywood selections? As it turns out, every character in books I read nowadays looks like Don Cheadle, kind of like that creepy Malkovitch scene but with more boom-swagger-cool. Back on topic, all of that was just to say that I’ve never seen this movie, and now I have. It was okay.








The Departed - You’ve seen this movie, you know how good it is.



















True Romance - Not to cheapen all that Tarantino’s done in the director’s chair, but I think that this might be my favorite movie he has written. This movie’s got it all: Sam Jackson having one scene and getting killed, Gary Oldman as a dreaded out drug dealer, Balki from Perfect Strangers, pothead Brad Pitt, and, Tom Seizmore. The dialogue is snappy, fresh and other buzzwords. It’s got some sweet fight scenes, the scene where James Gandolfini gets whupped by Patricia Arquette in particular. And the climax is wonderful. All this plus the wonderfully cool Cristian Slater. Right now I’m seriously considering him be the voice of my inner monologue rather than Morgan Freeman. I mean, who’s not thinking to themselves in the smooth as silk tones of Morgan Freeman? Side note: I just realized that it actually is possible to narrate to myself in someone else’s voice. Try it, it’s awesome. This is going to require some practice and more Christian Slater movies.


Interview with the Vampire - Did someone say more Christian Slater movies? This vampire hunk-off predates and out-sexifies the craptastic Team Jacob/ Team Edward debate. I think we can all agree that Brad Pitt is the sexiest vampire. Surprisingly, I had never seen this movie before. This was one of those movies that was censored from me in my days as a lad, funny, because when my folks were watching this I probably snuck off into my room to watch the three boobies scene in Total Recall again. Overall, I think we’ve got a winner here, though there are some things to be desired. The interview structure seemed a little awkward, which could have benefited for more information on why Christian Slater was chosen to do the interview, or even more of a real interview rather than just an oral biography. Another thing that bothered me was Tom Cruise. I don’t know if it was just this movie or not, but I’m beginning to think that Tom Cruise is a terrible actor.

Pillars of the Earth - One genre of fiction that I am ashamed to admit I don’t read / view enough is historical fiction. This miniseries set in Olde Time Englande might go a long way to changing that. Based on the book by Ken Follett, this eight episode miniseries centers around the efforts to build a new cathedral in England. Acting against the efforts of the monks and builders is war and political intrigue, not to mention the scheming of Ian McShane. Clocking in at over seven hours of run time, there is a lot to like about this miniseries, but a lot to dislike as well. For firsties, it still feels rushed. But at the same time it also felt drawn out. Methinks there was a buttload more in the novel that didn’t make it into the production. The story seemed repetitive at times too, with very similar plot elements rearing their head over and over. You can build the cathedral, you can’t build the cathedral, now you can again. You can take stone from the quarry, you can’t take stone from the quarry. Good to know that flip-flopping politicians aren’t a new thing. Zing! As for the good, Ian McShane is always a delight. He’s so good at playing a bastard that I’ve equated the sight of his face with sinister unctuousness*. So much so that if he offered me a burger and a shoulder rub, I’d throw a bowl of cole slaw in his face and get the heck out of there. Overall though, and tying this back into my lead in sentence, I liked the history of it the best. It’s always fascinating to think ‘Wow, this actually happened. These are just regular people, not just names in a history book.’ Also, the opening title sequence is really good. See here:

The Crazies - This movie was a complete turd. Not even Timothy Olyphant save it from being a total bore fest. I stopped watching with 10 minutes left because it just wasn’t worth it anymore.















Mean Girls - I watched this one for two reasons: the first being that it was scripted by Tina Fey and the second is that I got my girlfriend to watch the first episode of Firefly in the bargain. I almost forgot how good the pilot episode was. I did not, however, forget the running length of the episode, which clocks in at somewhere around 85 minutes. That little tidbit may have slipped my mind when striking the deal. But then, why should I have to slog through over two hours of a dinner and a movie TBS showing of a mildly entertaining movie about high school girls, while she only has to view 40 minutes of awesome awesome awesome Whedon-helmed television? I remain lukewarm about Mean Girls and she likewise towards Firefly. I think I’ll give her a noogie to learn her a lesson.

Mean Streets - Scorsese’s first movie, starring Robert De Niro and Harvey Keitel, was sort of a dud. The movie forgot to have a plot--at least a meaningful, captivating one--and the streets were hardly mean at all. This is all stuff that we’ll see later from Scorsese, and in much better form. I thought Harvey Keitel did a good job in the movie, but personally De Niro didn’t do it for me as the worthless friend. Which is a shame because you’ve gotta admit that if Robert De Niro wasn’t ultra-famous and you saw him on the street, you’d probably think he looked like a schlub. Another thing that irked me about this movie was the lighting as most of the shots were drenched in shadows. Something tells me that I’m in the minority for not liking the movie, it being Scorsese and all, and there’s probably all sorts of wonderful cinematic breakthroughs which had never been done before, but so what? I likes what I likes.





*This is the one thing that I can say I took away from Moby Dick. Unctuous: 1 - characterized by excessive piousness or moralistic fervor, especially in an affected manner; excessively smooth, suave, or smug. 2 - of the nature of or characteristic of an unguent or ointment; oily; greasy. 3 - having an oily or soapy feel, as certain minerals.