Cheeseburger Haiku - The Pollard

MONTANA - Recently the cheeseburger haiku eating team went abroad into Big Sky country and stopped at the newest hotspot in the bustling town of Red Lodge, MT. As soon as we disembarked off of the plane in Montana we knew that eating vegetables was off of the table; it is, after all, home to more cows than people [1].

In the land known to them Spanish-speakin' types as 'Mountain,' I knew I would be in for a burger extravaganza, since this is the state that one slaughtered a whopping 17 cows to produce the world record 6,000 pound burger [2]. Six-thousand pounds people! LBs! As in Lotta Burger.

Friday: lunch time: belly a-rumblin': only one option: burger time: that burger: the Pub Burger from: The Pollard Pub; diagnosis: delicious [3].

The burger was ordered off of the menu [4] and came with the following ackootremah: Irish style Bacon, White Cheddar, Grilled Onion, Lettuce, Tomato and Herb & Garlic Mayonnaise. All of that on a Cheboughtta bread roll. Disclaimer: the Pollard is the fanciest place in Red Lodge, which explains the extravagance of the $9.95 price tag on this beast of a burger.

The Cheeseburger Haiku would not have gone to such a hoity toity place as this if it weren't for my city ways. As I inquired about town as to where might be the best place to procure a burger, I was met by grizzled stares of the locals and felt as though they were peering into my soul. They knew I was a city boy. 'City boy, huh?' They'd scowl with a soothing voice the sound of a spoon in the garbage disposal. After hawking a wad into common-as-streetlights spittoon, they'd say, 'Try the Bollard, you lily livered crapturd.'

Apparently 'crapturd' is a common derogatory term for out-of-towners in the land of big sky [5].

Anyway, to the Pollard the CB-ku crew went and we were impressed. The burger was magnificent. Every single bite was delicious and I could not recommend this burger enough. This is the kind of burger that you plan entire vacations for, hell, retirements even!

Well, it wasn't that good. But it was pretty damn good and that's that. [6].