Movie Time - 6.11 and 7.11

Movie Time 6.11 and 7.11
Confession time: I find it difficult to sit through an entire movie. Thanks a lot internet. At this point in my life I’m much more inclined to turn on an episode of a TV show on Netflix than I am a movie. I would go on a rant about how much crap Hollywood is churning out these days, but I have the same problem for really good movies and movies that I love, as well as the duds: about halfway through I get a case of RBS (restless bum syndrome) and I just can’t sit still anymore. There are over a hundred titles on my Netflix queue and a thousand more I keep up in my noggin that I want to watch someday. But it’s becoming clear that most movies I think I want to see will not, in fact, be seen by me. Perhaps one day I’ll have much better butt stamina and will be able to sit through Once Upon a Time in America in one sitting, but until then I’ll just keep catching up on the TV shows that I want to see.

Since I’ve all but stricken regular, commercial-filled TV from my schedule (aside from Jon Stewart and Colbert, that is) most of my TV watching comes in the form of Netflix these days. So in no particular order, here is what I’ve been enjoying since the beginning of the year: Veronica Mars, Cheers, Jericho, The Larry Sanders Show, Freaks and Geeks, The Simpsons, Parks and Recreation, Shameless, 24, and Party Down. I’d recommend any of those shows, but Freaks and Geeks in particular.

Now since I don’t feel like adding yet another feature to the blog, I’m just going to stick with reviewing movies for the time being. I should mention that I don’t dislike watching movies, just that I often have to take a break and get a butt massage.


Sorry, but there ain't gonna be pictures this time.

Thor - I can’t remember the last time I deemed a movie worthy of seeing it twice in the theaters, but I’m glad I came back for more Thor. This year I’ve been to the movie theater only three times, once for True Grit and twice for Thor, so that should go a long way in establishing what I feel seeing this movie is worth to me. I really like the larger than life aspect of Asgard and its denizens, and there’s is just something about them that demands to be seen on a 30 foot tall screen. Not much has changed since my initial reaction to the movie, and I’ll spare you the Thor puns. Go and see this movie in the theaters while you still can. It’s rad.

How to Train Your Dragon - Another movie rooted in Viking culture and mythology, thank Odin! How to Train Your Dragon is, in my opinion, the finest Dreamworks picture they’ve produced and narrowly misses Pixar greatness by a John Ratzenberger cameo and a few minor things. This is one of those movie that promises fun for the whole family, and it actually delivers. Side note: I think the phrase “fun for the whole family” should come with an asterisk. I mean, what cool rebellious teen is going to admit to having fun with the rest of his/ her family? Back on topic, I think the voice acting in this is great. They got a lot of actors with distinctive voices, but none so distinctive that they overshadow the character. It’s not like Jack Black playing a panda or some shit like that. I’m out.

Aliens - Sometimes I just wish the CGI craze would settle down a bit and we could get more ‘real’ effects. The aliens in this movie looks amazing, and scarier too because I can see that they are right there on screen with the other other actors. They might not look as rendered and detailed as the CGI, but it’s nice to go back and see things how they did them in the good ol’ days. Also, Bill Paxton was born to play the cowardly soldier.

X-Men: First Class
I don’t want to say that it was surprisingly good, but I have to, because I was actually surprised that it was good. Leading up to this movie’s release, I could just feel that this movie was a looming turd storm waiting to topple the X-Men movie franchise once and for all. Lo and behold, it wasn’t a turd. It was actually very entertaining. The good heavily outweighed the bad here, namely Kevin Bacon as Sebastian Shaw was a pretty sweet casting as well as the chap they got to play Magneto. On the downside, January Jones was nothing but a pretty face that didn’t do Emma Frost any justice. Beast was great, of course, but then I could never dislike Beast. As for the story, I thought it was a rather interesting take on the X-Men origins, which by now I have experienced at least a dozen times in four different media. This installment probably marks the beginning of a new trilogy, which based off of this one (and assuming they maintain the same talent) I am all for. Personally, I would like to see them venture a little farther back in the next X-movie and show the origins of mutants in general. I would freaking pay double money to see Apocalypse and Mr. Sinister on the big screen. Let’s just get batshit crazy and have the Shi’ar Empire involved too.

Father of the Bride
Steve Martin is amazing, a fact that I am coming to a little late in life. I feel slight shame in admitting I had never seen this movie until recently, but really this movie isn’t for the youngsters anyway. This movies not for the not-so youngsters either. Sure, I got oodles of chuckles out of this movie, but the real heart of it belongs to parents, more specifically fathers. Intended audience or not, I found Steve Martin’s performance hilarious and I really appreciated the heartfelt moments between him and his daughter. As an outsider to the father-daughter relationship, I can only venture a guess that this movie encapsulates the dynamic quite well. Released around 20 years ago this movie stands the test of time and avoids what has become the norm in the comedies of today, to include pop references for cheap laughs that aren’t even topical when the movie is released on DVD. With this, The Jerk, and Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Steve Martin is quickly and retroactively becoming one of my favorite comedic actors of the 1980’s.

Super 8
Now usually the Extreme of Consciousness Movie Time segment is the absolutely most hyperbole-free review spot on the entire internet, no foolin’, so when I say that Super 8 is the best movie I’ve seen in a good while, you know it has to be the most truest thing ever. This movie made me want to be young(er) again, except instead of the ‘burbs I’d like to grow up in J.J. Abrams mind. I mean really, childhood is so much better when you’ve got a stellar creative team. Unfortunately for me, my creative team consisted of my dumb ass and a few other turds whose idea of a grand adventure was making a superfish out of spare parts found at the odd-smelling Chinese market near school. This movie combines all of the elements of what a summer blockbuster should have: characters you care about, some that you don’t care about at first but then redeem themselves, mystery, explosions, some good laughs, nicely done (but not over-done) special effects, and, characters that you care about. Goodness me, do I really need to list ‘characters you care about’ twice on the list? Yes, yes I do. After watching this movie I realized that this is a crucial element to getting the audience invested in the story which is too often overlooked these days. Instead of fully fleshed out three dimensional characters, we get 3-D caricatures and fart jokes. If the younger version of me could watch this movie beside me, he’d probably be offended that I professed ennui towards the eternally hilarious fart joke. You know what? Younger Josh is right: I am dumb. Fart jokes are awesome. FAAARRRRRRRRRRRT!!!! But so are good movies.

Basketball Diaries
I don’t use drugs. I never have and I don’t have any immediate plans to go out on a drug binge in the desert to find my spirit guide. I could probably go into a hundred and one reasons why I’ve never gotten into them, but the one most glaring is the one that seems to be overlooked far too often. Having grown up in the SF bay area and lived in Manhattan for almost a year now, there is something that is painstakingly obvious to me: drugs will make you a complete fucking retard. Take one look around at some of the crazies on the street: the drooling weirdo, the evangelising guy who is dead certain that Jesus is coming back in the form of a spotted leprechaun, or the woman who forgot to put on pants 30 years ago and has yet to notice. Whether or not it was actually the drugs that got them there--many, many things can go wrong in the development of a human mind--when you look at these people, you immediately say to your good chum ‘hey look at that crack head.’ Everyone seems to know the perils of junk, but no one seems to think that it could happen to them. Look at it this way: if, let’s say, you use crack once--just once, just to try it. Assume that only one in one thousand people who ever use crack turn into junkies, then there’s still a one in one thousand chance that that person will be the next Tyrone Biggums. Now consider the reverse: the lottery. There’s a much, much shittier chance than one in one thousand that you’ll win the lottery, but people think that it will happen to them. Why is it that people are so quick to think that random chance will only work out in their favor? Dummies. Also, who says winning the lottery is such a good thing? It was a disaster for Roseanne. So, what does this have to do with B-Ball Diaries? Not much, just that this movie is sort of a PSA for the perils of drug use, and I guess I just want to point out that society itself should pretty much tell you everything you need to know about smack. The movie is an entertaining look at growing up in Manhattan in the 1980’s(?) and the kind of kids such a rough area was capable of producing. I’m certainly glad as shit I didn’t grow up in Manhattan, this city sucks for anyone who is unable to legally purchase booze. I love booze and I drink it every day to a level of unhealthy excess, but that’s okay because it’s not a drug and I won’t become an alcoholic. That kind of thing would never happen to me.

Green Lantern
Ah...Green Lantern, my all-time favorite superhero comic book. I’ve been reading you since issue number one debuted over six years ago, faithfully following the exciting tales of Hal Jordan and the ever growing cast of heroes and villains. You are everything a comic book should be: bright, colorful, over-the-top, campy at times, and inspirational. Yes, inspirational. Green Lantern is a hero that is bound only by his imagination. I know it sounds lame, but that is exactly the kind of thinking that leads people into living successful lives. If I think it, if I will it to be, then it will be so. It’s a pretty great message to be on the receiving end of, and it is one that I wholeheartedly subscribe to. Problem is, I used this power of positive thought to will into existence a movie version of my favorite comic. And unfortunately what I got was a massive pile of uncertainty. I had so, so much expectation for this movie, at least, that was until I saw the trailer. Then I got a little nervous. I dimmed down my expectation and grounded my hopes in what I knew Hollywood was capable with such bombastic material. Upon seeing this movie, I left the theater with a pretty common feeling: the sense that my very low expectations were met, that I got exactly what I paid for. This is a good thing until you go back and realize that what you were expecting was crap, and then you’re all like, ‘why did I pay to see it if it was crap?’ but then you go, ‘it wasn’t all that crappy, it was what it was.’ So yeah. The movie wasn’t great, but it was good if you’re expectations were low enough. Some things that worked: Kilowog--specifically Kilowog as voiced by Michael Clark Duncan--the planet Oa and the fully realized Green Lantern Corps, Hal Jordan’s suit minus the atrocious mask, Sinestro, just basically everything that wasn’t on Earth. The stuff that didn’t work was the aforementioned terrestrial bits of plot, Hal Jordan’s story arc (why was he chosen for the ring? Because he’s a whiny baby quitter, that’s why.), Parallax and Parallax again. They went so, so wrong with one of the best parts of the GL mythology there, I can only hope for a sequel that does some hand waving and sets the record straight on the fear entity. Also stupid: how does Hal Jordan manage to defeat Parallax all by himself when the whole corps--trained by and containing Kilowog, no less--seemingly can’t bring the pain? Golly, I wish this movie were better.

Teen Wolf
Not the crappy MTV remake, but the original with Michael J. Fox.

The Fighter
Christian Bale changes weight more frequently than the Nutty Professor. He’s fat in one movie, anorexic in the next and crack-skinny in this one. The guy is seriously devoted to his craft, though the same could be said about all the people who just take roles designed for people with their body type. I mean honestly, no one ever shoots Danny Devito accolades for being an oompa loompa in one movie and an oompa loompa in the next. This movie got quite the buzz last Oscar season, and for good reason too. This was a really solid boxing movie, and Christian Bale was freaking phenomenal as a burnout crack head, but as good as he was, the troupe of women in the movie were downright frightening. Because of this movie I am less scared of the dangers of crack than I am of being in a room with seven sisters from the wrong side of the tracks. Good grief.

Gran Torino
As far as I’m concerned, there is only one way to watch this movie: with a cooler of ice-cold Pabst by the couch, shirtless, and on the hottest day of the year. It makes for a truly wondrous experience. When I saw this movie in the theater it got way more laughs than whatever drivel Vince Vaughn has put out lately, and this isn’t even supposed to be a comedy. It’s not supposed to be, but it is. Seriously, this is one of the funniest movies to come out in a long time. It’s hilarious until it’s not, but when it stops being a comedy, it continues on as a satisfying drama, ending with one of the greatest feats of heroism ever put to film. It’s a little sad, I’ll admit, but after reading the will and then hearing Clint Eastwood sing the closing number, the film solidly reminds you that it is a comedy first and foremost. I love this movie so much. Definitely an all-time favorite.