Cheeseburger Haiku

And we're back. Sorry for such a long delay on the Cheeseburger Haiku, where the rigid structure of Japanese poetry and the deliciousness of American cheeseburgery combine. Once again I'd like to take a moment to apologize to all of you devoted C.H. followers. I abandoned my post and I'm sorry. Never again will I let my duties fall by the wayside.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about the latest burger on my plate--and I mean that quite literally, for the burger of the day is made by none other than the Josh. Now now, I know what you're thinking, Josh can't haiku a Josh burger. But, too bad, because he's gonna. I'll try to be as fair and honest as I can as far as other burgers are concerned and, not to mention, I live 3000 miles away from my beloved Weber. So, already I'm at a disadvantage.

The Burger:

Yeah, that's Carl Weathers.

The Haiku:

First time Griddler

my New York maiden voyage

Not bad Josh, not bad

The Aftermath:

Discussion:

This is a little strange for me. This was my first time on the Griddler, which is some kitchen contraption used to simulate an indoor grilling experience. It came in the mail a few days back--a gift from C-Note's mom (Thanks Lou!)--as an early Christmas present. As soon as I tore the wrapping off of that bad boy, I knew what had to be done. Burger time with Josh.

As it was my maiden voyage on the Griddler, there were a lot of variables that I was not able to manhandle, such as the heat and the method for getting the perfect grill marks on my meat pad. But, beyond that, there is still one variable that I do, and always will, control: the deliciousness. I am in charge of the deliciousness. And so in honor of my mechanically automated robot companion, or M.A.R.C., or Marc, I made that deliciousness my beeotch. To start, I put on my best grillin' shirt (Bull Shirt) and rubbed some special Weber brand burger seasnins into about a 1/3 pound of meat. While that was griddlin' I fried up some bacon, aka deliciousness' BFF. And to top it off, some Roland brand dill pickles* and ketchup. I had a kaiser roll to top--and bottom-- it off.

*A note on dill pickles: One of the most annoying things about New York has been the pickle chip situation. Hardly any of the seven thousand markets carry dill freakin' pickle freakin' chips! One time I bought some that were clearly labeled dill, and when I chomped into it, I found that I had been deceived. They were not dill but bread and butter. I'm just gonna say it: bread and butter pickles are not the bread and butter of the pickle industry. They're more like the salad, as in, "get that crap away from my burger you damn dirty hippie!"

The burger. It was good, not great, but not the worst. The meat was a little overcooked for my tastes, but that's a chance you take when you're cooking on a double sided griddle. The Roland brand dills were actual dills and went well with the Warren Zevon I put on to get my burger makin' juices flowing. Overall, I'm pleased with the result--it's been ages since I've had a Josh burger. I may not have to wait that long for another because in a week I'll be home and able to spend time with my glorious beloved grill.

One more thing: if you're reading this Carl Weathers, know that I will gladly cook you a Josh original any time you want. I know you're a stew man, but give it a shot.