Pio! Pio! Pio! Laser blasts rang out in the Fantasy Factory.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Joke pistols declared to any literate henchmen within the line of vision that didn’t need corrective lenses.
There had to be a thousand of the henchmen. Probably more. What was even worse was that whenever one fell, it promptly disappeared and two more spawned from some dark corner of the factory. Agent Stiffupperlip and John Barleycorn could only do so much.
“Scarecrow!” Stiffuppeelip yelled out, barely audible over the Pio! Pio! of the lasers. He motioned his straw mate over to a pile of crates that he was using for cover. “This isn’t working. We need back up.”
“Can’t you radio it in?”
“No.” He spat. “They’ve got the Low Spark. Can you imagine what would happen if a whole platoon of suits showed up. The static cling would eradicate everything.”
“Oh sheesh! What do we do?”
“We’ve gotta get my partner and that pant suit into the fight.”
Pio! Pio! Pio!
Bang! Bang!
“Actually her name is Agent Rainmaker,” John Barleycorn declared with a glint moonlight in his eye. “And they’re not called pant suits any more, just suits.”
“You gotta thing for the pant suit there Scarecrow?” Bang! Bang! “Okay, I’ll cover you while you get her outta that damn mime box. Once you got her, I’m gonna need some time to wake my partner up. Got it?”
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Bang! Bang!
Piopio! Pio! Pio! Pio!
Bang! Bang!
John Barleycorn dashed off into the epicenter of the hummus and Stiffupperlip was doing a bang up job providing cover. Ha!
But just as things were going goodly, Stiffupperlip shot a bigger-they-come henchmen and the harder he fell. A cannonball tidal wave of the pasty, tasty dip washed over the barrier and got some schmootz on his bright Bang! banner.
Pio! Pio! Pio!
Ba__! Ba__! Ba__!
John Barleycorn was trying his darnest to get the invisible mime box holding his (hopefully) beloved Agent Rainmaker. “Hold on Rainmaker! I’ll get you out of there yet—“
“Barelycorn! Look out!” Agent Rainmaker said, making her first speaking appearance since Chapter 6. But it was too little too late. John Barleycorn took a Pio! Pio! Pio! to his straw head.
He fell beneath a pile of goop. Agent Rainmaker began to grieve and, true to her name, her grief manifested in the form of rain.
Rainclouds formed over the roof of the Fantasy Factory and totally obscured my vision.
Pio! Pio! Pio!
Ba! Ba!
Pio! Pio! Pio!
Ba!
Pio! Pio! Pio!
Pio! Pio! Pio!
From the sound of it, things were not going the way of our heroes down on the factory floor.
Since I don’t know what’s going on right at this moment, I’ll take some time to tell you something scandalous that went down around the time Will Smith was supposed to be at a barbecue today.
Pixanne and Esteban Calcutta took refuge from the madness in an emptied out crate. They held each other tight, finding comfort in each other’s arms. And then, they totally started making out; it was all mushy and lovey dovey and all that crap that’s not as awesome as balrogs and not-at-all veiled references to the great progressive rock band Traffic. (Seriously, if you don’t own any Traffic albums, shame on you!)
Let’s see, what else is going on. The balrog hasn’t done much lately; he’s just kind of laying there.
Hmm. The thing at the Labyrinth has all but winded down. Not much to report there.
Giant Baby is asleep in a comically large crib. He’s totally sucking his thumb.
Pio! Pio! Pio!
I don’t really know what else to say. There are still big rain clouds over the roof of the factory. Big, big rain clouds.
Pio! Pio!
Oh! Don’t leave yet! I’ve got it!
Enrick Schmidt the Duck Billed Platypus suddenly realized that he needed to go back to the Fantasy Factory for…something
No. I can’t do that to Enrick. He already lived happily ever after. Sorry, Enrick. It was just a bad dream, go back to sleep.
Well, I guess that just about wraps everything up then. Sorry I couldn’t give you a proper ending to this here story, but I hope you enjoyed it. I mean, it wasn’t that good, but whatever. It’s almost dawn anyways and the Winking Moon has to catch a few z’s of his own. So, until next time, take it easy.
Pio! Pio! Pio!
Wait! What? I thought the lasers were done.
Oh my goodness, there’s a rocket flying out from behind the clouds of the Fantasy Factory.
Highwayman is straddled atop it, grinning from ear to ear. It’s another nuke.
And it’s coming right for me! Er, I mean: it’s heading straight for the Winking Moon!
Dun dun dun!
Dun!
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